My cat died the night before last

So I may not post here for the next few days or week.  Or I might, it's hard to know right now what I'll feel like in the next few weeks.  I found my cat when she was a kitten living in the woods, and I had her for 18 years.  She and I were extremely close - she would always lay beside me on the bed or the couch.  She was always awake when I came home - waiting for me. She was diagnosed with kidney failure 4 years ago. I fed her the food that they tell you to give them & she did pretty well up until a few months ago.  I took her to the vet because she was throwing up a lot.  They showed me how to give her Subcutaneous fluids, and I started doing that twice a week. That seemed to help her tremendously for awhile.  Last week she started sleeping in  the closet more than she slept with me, and then this past Thursday she was acting disoriented.  The fluids that I had given her the day before didn't seem to be helping.
I was planning to take her to the vet's the next day, but she didn't make it through the night. She began having seizures after midnight, so I had to take her to an animal hospital.  The closest one was almost 40 minutes away.  My mother drove and I held my baby while she continued to have one seizure after another. It was the most horrible thing to see - she looked up at me and she looked terrified.  She was such a sweet cat and I desperately wanted to make the seizures stop but there was nothing that I could do for her.  When I took her in the emergency entrance they rushed over and took her from me, and the girl said "we're going to give her something to stop the seizures".  I truly believed that they would give her whatever medicine she needed and that we'd be going home that night.  Then they told me that they hadn't been able to stop the seizures yet, and then put us in a room by ourselves.  I still hoped for the best.  Then the doctor came in and said that she didn't expect her to live through the night, since she had an aneurysm in her brain.  I've never felt such a horrible feeling, realizing that I'd be going home without her.  The kindest thing to do was to end her life quickly with a shot rather than letting her suffer until she died.  I was able to hold her for a few minutes once they got the seizures to stop.  She was very sedated, but I could see her breathing and blinking her eyes. I felt like she could see me and hear me talking and I hope that that made her feel safer when she died.  For me the grief was so overwhelming that it made me sick to my stomach.
And now I'm home, surrounded by so many things that remind me of her. I'm taking things one day at a time as far as what I feel up to doing each day.  I didn't want to just drop off the blogosphere and not post without an explanation, though.  I feel pretty certain that I'll be back to posting  about fashion and beauty very soon, although I don't think that I'll feel up to doing outfit posts myself for awhile.

Here's a few pictures of my baby girl who is in heaven now.

My sweet kitty sleeping on my head - one of her favorite spots

Buddy - 1994 - 2012