Saturday, October 13, 2012

My cat died the night before last

So I may not post here for the next few days or week.  Or I might, it's hard to know right now what I'll feel like in the next few weeks.  I found my cat when she was a kitten living in the woods, and I had her for 18 years.  She and I were extremely close - she would always lay beside me on the bed or the couch.  She was always awake when I came home - waiting for me. She was diagnosed with kidney failure 4 years ago. I fed her the food that they tell you to give them & she did pretty well up until a few months ago.  I took her to the vet because she was throwing up a lot.  They showed me how to give her Subcutaneous fluids, and I started doing that twice a week. That seemed to help her tremendously for awhile.  Last week she started sleeping in  the closet more than she slept with me, and then this past Thursday she was acting disoriented.  The fluids that I had given her the day before didn't seem to be helping.
I was planning to take her to the vet's the next day, but she didn't make it through the night. She began having seizures after midnight, so I had to take her to an animal hospital.  The closest one was almost 40 minutes away.  My mother drove and I held my baby while she continued to have one seizure after another. It was the most horrible thing to see - she looked up at me and she looked terrified.  She was such a sweet cat and I desperately wanted to make the seizures stop but there was nothing that I could do for her.  When I took her in the emergency entrance they rushed over and took her from me, and the girl said "we're going to give her something to stop the seizures".  I truly believed that they would give her whatever medicine she needed and that we'd be going home that night.  Then they told me that they hadn't been able to stop the seizures yet, and then put us in a room by ourselves.  I still hoped for the best.  Then the doctor came in and said that she didn't expect her to live through the night, since she had an aneurysm in her brain.  I've never felt such a horrible feeling, realizing that I'd be going home without her.  The kindest thing to do was to end her life quickly with a shot rather than letting her suffer until she died.  I was able to hold her for a few minutes once they got the seizures to stop.  She was very sedated, but I could see her breathing and blinking her eyes. I felt like she could see me and hear me talking and I hope that that made her feel safer when she died.  For me the grief was so overwhelming that it made me sick to my stomach.
And now I'm home, surrounded by so many things that remind me of her. I'm taking things one day at a time as far as what I feel up to doing each day.  I didn't want to just drop off the blogosphere and not post without an explanation, though.  I feel pretty certain that I'll be back to posting  about fashion and beauty very soon, although I don't think that I'll feel up to doing outfit posts myself for awhile.

Here's a few pictures of my baby girl who is in heaven now.

My sweet kitty sleeping on my head - one of her favorite spots

Buddy - 1994 - 2012

6 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. It is wonderful that you had so many years with her, but such a dreadfully abrupt ending. I hope your memories give you some comfort.

    NL
    www.transformationforme.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you so much. You understand exactly - the end of her life was so sudden and that made it so much harder. No time to do things that I would have liked to do before she died. And the way that she died was so horrible for me. I have never seen an animal having seizures before. I hope that I never have to see it again, either. Thanks again for your kind comment.

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  2. I am so sorry! I teared up reading this :'(

    What a horrible way to die. I know she is in a better place. Grieve well and you will feel ok in time. RIP

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  3. Thank you for your kindness. I miss her so much. I cry every day. I have another cat which I found 3 years after my Buddy. She spent her whole life with Buddy and she doesn't seem to know what to do without her. She keeps looking for her and that breaks my heart too. I hope that you're right and that I feel better soon because this is awful.
    Donna

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  4. I'm so sorry :( This post actually brought tears to my eyes. I went through the same thing a few months ago with one of my babies :( She was having seizures and she was so ill, she wouldn't eat for 2 weeks, it was such a heart wrenching feeling, but like your baby, she's now in heaven and it's such a empty hole without her. I have always had pets and it never ever gets easier when you lose them, it's always just as hard as before. But know she will be with you wherever you go. Stay strong! Lorna.

    www.raindropsofsapphire.com

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    1. Lorna I'm so sorry that you just went through the same thing recently. It's so awful to see them having seizures and losing weight from not eating. That was horrible but now having to live without her is horrible, too. I feel like you - there's a big hole in my world. I have to remember the part about her being with me still. That thought does make me feel better. If I can just hold on to that...
      Thanks for your comment. It does help to talk to others who have been through the experience.
      Donna

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